Trust: If you trust each other most of the time, or all of the time, then you are in good shape! This will prevent many accusations and unnecessary bickering. You can also concentrate on things that are important to you both, instead of being constantly worried and arguing about if the other person is lying, cheating, etc.

Ability to Work Things Out: Are you able to work things out in a calm manner? Can you take a deep breath before screaming at your partner and calm yourself down? If so, this is an indication of a healthy union. Being in control of yourself and not flying off the handle while dealing with an upsetting situation is a good sign!

Common Goals: Are the majority of your goals the same? If so, then you can move ahead together towards the same things, which makes life much easier. If you don’t know whether or not the majority of your goals are the same, sit down and write them out. Remember, compromising doesn’t mean that your goals don’t naturally match up! It can mean that you are willing to let go of things that aren’t that important to you in order to allow the other person to live their dream.

Now, let’s look at the other side of the coin…

Jealousy: Constant jealousy can rip a couple apart either by the partner who makes the accusations getting sick of worrying all the time and leaving, or by the accused being tired of being told they are doing something wrong all the time.

Arguing: Do you argue all the time? Do you wish you had a life that did not include constant bickering and battles? That’s because it isn’t healthy to constantly fight with each other. Being yelled at can cause the other person to start yelling back, and then you can both wind up saying things that you don’t mean, and feeling embarrassed about losing your temper. Also, ask yourself how many times a disagreement has actually been successfully resolved by screaming at each other.

Completely Opposing Goals: If one of you wants to become a world-renowned golfer and the other wants to live in a small town and have a quiet life, things might not work out so well. Constant travel by one partner may cause many disagreements between the couple and the desire to constantly stay at home may create great tension as well.

These can all be addressed with our counseling techniques in relationship counseling or during one-on-one counseling. You don’t have to live with these problems, and you don’t necessarily have to end your relationship. Get some practical help. Contact us today if any of the above are problems for you.

I always find it fascinating that relationships are one of those natural and inevitable things that we strive for, yet there aren’t any real “How To” manuals ever issued to us as young men and women.

I know that may sound rather odd since in today’s online world there is an endless amount of information on any subject one wants to learn about. However, how do you know which advice is right and which is wrong?

I think that there are some common sense practices you can use in your marriage or in saving your marriage .  And if you aren’t married, these can still apply to a relationship or even to your friends.

First: Keep your word. If you promise to make your partner breakfast in bed, do it. If you promise to watch
her favorite movie, even though you want to watch something totally different, do it with a smile and willingly. There is nothing worse that having someone break a promise to you.

Secondly: Don’t act jealous. Why would you want to act that way anyhow? Unless your spouse is an actively cheating person and you have all the evidence in the world, which would be another problem, be a trustful person. If you are often jealous when there is in fact no reason to be so, then that is an issue you have personally and you should seek some help to relieve that pressure in your life.

Three: Don’t inflict your personal issues onto your partner. As in 2 above if you have any phobias, fears, or haunting thoughts, it is okay to let your partner know you have them and even when you are experiencing them, but do not make your significant other carry the weight or the brunt of these personal issues. If you have always felt self-doubt, for instance, it is not a good idea to make your spouse feel bad that they don’t have the same level of uncertainty that you do, or worse, try to bring them down to your level.

Four: Don’t try to make your spouse someone they aren’t. You should love your spouse or partner for who they are, not for who they can be if you can change them. People are basically good and your partner will be at their best
when they are able to be and act like themselves. Sure there are compromises and working things out between people, but trying to change your husband or wife to fit into some mold just isn’t going to work. Love your spouse for who they are and help them reach the highest level of self achievement they can. You will find the rewards to be far greater by doing that!

I hope this helps you out!

Communication is one of the most important skills you must possess in order to maintain a great marriage or other relationship. The level of communication that you have with your significant other will determine the success, happiness and the duration of your partnership.

There are many “things” that can break down between a couple, but the majority of ills can be traced to a breakdown in communication. If you think about it, every activity in a relationship contains communication of some kind, every one. You could even say that without it there really isn’t a marriage at all.

Lets look at that statement:

Can you set your marriage goals without communication? No!
Can you raise a family without communication? No!
Can you solve any issues without communication? No!

Communicating isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but when you notice that you don’t feel like communicating with your partner it’s good to understand that something is terribly wrong. It may even be painful or feel like you are taking all the blame by initiating a conversation meant to resolve your issues, but it can lead to a much stronger relationship, and even save it. If you don’t, there’s no way you can work out any of the problems or issues that the two of you are having.

Stress, anxiety, jealousy and grief in a relationship are all caused by a lack of communication. However, as mentioned earlier, communication is a vital skill, one that you can hone over time, and it can resolve these problems and more.

When it comes to counseling, communication is the one main responsibility for the marriage counselor to rekindle in a couple seeking help. As long as that is improved, and you and your partner are both willing and ready to sit down and talk again in a positive and productive manner, then your counseling can be called a success.

There is nothing better, more fun, more romantic, or more fulfilling than a relationship or marriage with a
wide open level of communication. This is the one most important aspects of a successful couple.

Schedule a free marriage counseling consultation today, click here.

Delivering marriage counseling here in Orange County over the years has given us some insights we hope can help you.

First of all lets look at our children.

I have heard it said that kids themselves can cause strain in a marriage. My observation is that it is much more likely for kids to be traumatized by the relationship troubles that the parents are having.

The arguing, fighting, tense silences and glaring looks can all leave kids wondering what is going on. They may even worry if their parents will get divorced, wonder if they are to blame and they worry about what will become of them if something bad does happen with their parents.

The amount of stress caused in children as a result of marital problems is more than you can really believe. The best advice is if you are experiencing any type of stress in your marriage or relationship and you cannot solve it yourselves, get some help. Don’t just let the situation get worse, take some action and get some counseling. 

When seeking assistance with your marriage keep in mind that it will benefit your children to be part of putting the marriage back together. They will have a sense of well-being by helping make the most important part of their lives survive and be successful! A great Orange County marriage counselor will allow the children to participate and feel great about themselves and their family.

Furthermore, if you are wondering if your children know that you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties here are some signs to look for: illness – if your children are sick then your attention goes to them and you have less time to argue with your significant other, unruly behavior such as drawing on the walls or ruining things, talking back or even withdrawing from the two of you.

If your children are allowed to help make the family strong again then they will gain a sense of pride and can have certainty that they are an extremely important part of the family. They will feel that it’s not all about you and your spouse. They can also feel more confident about solving problems in life, which of course is very helpful for their future.

With our top counselors each having more than 20 years of experience, South Coast Mission has helped many families in need of marriage counseling. Call today for a free consultation for your family.

Many people have sought out marriage counseling advice, so if you are feeling embarrassed, don’t! Calling in quits in a marriage without making a real effort to turn things around is much more of an embarrassment for many people in the long run, especially when trying to create a new long-lasting relationship.

If you and your partner are arguing, not talking at all, separated and living apart, etc., your stress level is probably out the roof and you may be experiencing severe side effects such as depression, anxiety and more. These side effects may even be the reason for your seeking help today.

If you are ready to try professional assistance it is good to know that you can always get help alone if your spouse is unwilling to go with you. This may even help your significant other to see that you are serious about putting the relationship back together.

The main goal of a good marriage counselor is to get the two of you talking again, and to help you work out some of your difficulties and maybe even help you be able to make some compromises. There are many tools that can be used to achieve these results.

If you have children together, it is advisable to include them in the process of putting the marriage back together so that some of their fears and worry can be handled. Giving them a way to help will improve all of your lives.

A great marriage counselor can assist you with betrayals, jealousy, lack of communication, lying and more. They should NOT recommend any type of infidelity as a solution to your problems. This only creates more heartbreak in all cases. A trained counselor should listen to both you and your partner and help you find real, workable solutions to your issues.

If you are ready to get help we always offer a free confidential consultation. You can make an appointment together or separately, whatever works for you. The lead counselors at South Coast Mission have over 20 years of experience each in helping individuals and couples with their marital problems. Contact us today.

Depression can make a person want to crawl up into a ball and withdraw from life. Despite what some people may believe, depression is a real problem for many people, and it will only get worse if they do not get help.

Recognizing the signs of depression will help you to identify if this is the problem that you or someone you care about is dealing with. Some of the signs include: not wanting to get out of bed, withdrawing from activities that the person normally enjoys, excessive weight loss/weight gain, fatigue, feeling worthless or hopeless and more.

The life experiences that we each have can greatly effect our self esteem, outlook on life, and overall well being. The combination of external factors, such as relationships, social status, education, or employment can have a role in an individual’s depression, and stress is an everyday occurrence for most people. There are also internal factors that contribute to the onset of depression, and must be dealt with in order to successfully turn this issue around.

Depression does not just hurt the person who suffers from it. Much like alcoholism or other addictions, depression affects the entire family and has the potential to create hardships and suffering for all concerned. This can in turn cause others to feel depressed and helpless. So, addressing your depression not only assists you and your daily life, but those around you.

There is no magic wand that can be waived to fix depression, but it can be handled. In order to do this the underlying issues that are responsible for causing the depression must be found and confronted with a professional counselor.

After getting help from a trained counselor you can learn to recognize your negative thinking patterns, and develop your own plan of attack for overcoming the feelings associated with depression.

The greatest illusion created by depression is that it cannot be defeated. But it actually can. When you feel hopeless and stop fighting is when depression has won.

South Coast Mission’s lead counselors have over 20 years of experience in helping those with depression and other deeply personal issues. Contact us today to schedule a free counseling session.

Couples, however, don’t have to end their relationship simply because they are having problems. If they believe they can do something to repair their relationship in any way, then seeking help is highly advisable.

Marriage counseling is the most common form of assistance that a couple can get if their relationship is in trouble. Marriage counseling helps couples accomplish one thing—repair their rocky relationship.

The goal of such counselors is to help couples communicate better, negotiate or work out their differences, solve their issues and even help them learn how to work out disagreements and difficulties in a much healthier way. Those who are married aren’t the only ones eligible for marriage counseling advice—it’s necessary for all couples who need help repairing their partnership.

Although relationships can need a bit of contrast in opinions between partners to remain healthy, sometimes that same contrast ultimately becomes toxic in nature. This is why marriage counselors work to help resolve relationship problems and get both parties to a mutual agreement—so that the aforementioned relationship and/or marriage has a chance at surviving, without having either party immediately settle for terminating the union.

Both parties often meet with the relationship counselor at the same time. Most couples generally book a few sessions with a relationship counselor to help resolve their minor issues, since one visit is usually not enough.

Marriage counseling advice is generally some of the best advice a couple can receive about their rocky marriage. It’s recommended to listen to your marriage counselor if you want to save your marriage.

South Coast Mission’s lead counselor has been helping people for over 20 years. To make an appointment click here.

First of all, the next time you are at the office get up and walk around and just observe your co-workers. Seriously. In many, or even most, cases you will see that they are experiencing the same problems that you are – no matter what their particular job duties are. So, does this mean that this is normal and that you should just deal with it? Well, you can. However, you do have the option to very quickly turn the condition around, and it’s sickeningly easy!

The first step that you can take, literally, is to go on a walk outside and look around at different objects in the environment. The exact reference is : “When one feels tired on finishing his work … he should go out and walk around the block until he feels rested. In short, he should walk around the block and look at things until he sees the things he is walking near.”* This is great because it gets you away from the computer, away from other frustrated co-workers and away from ringing phones!

Now, what do you do when you get back to your desk and there are a million tasks to do, people are calling and emailing you, there are papers everywhere and you don’t know where to start? Well, this is a confusion: “any set of factors or circumstances which do not seem to have any immediate solution.”* You would handle this if you “grasp one piece or locate it thoroughly. Then see how the others function in relation to it and you have steadied the confusion.”* So, now go over to your desk and pick one piece of paper and locate it. Look around and see what else is in your space in comparison to the paper you have chosen. Really, try it out for yourself and see how much your outlook improves. Of course, you have to be willing to try it out and have it be successful – this is hard for some people!

You most likely have observed that there are other problems that you encounter in your occupation. Fortunately, each one has a solution. We even offer a seminar on this subject that many employers have sent their staff too in order to improve working conditions within their companies. The seminar can also be done by individuals for personal reasons. If you are interested in learning more, contact us today about how to make your work life easier.

* L. Ron Hubbard, The Problems of Work

You have probably heard this time and time again, but communication is key to a fantastic relationship. However, many people don’t know why they suddenly aren’t as communicative with their spouse as they were when they first got married. There is a little known fact that when someone does something that they should not do to another person, they are then less communicative with that person. This happens over and over until the communication is almost non existent. Many, many people experience this. It can include doing many small things that they shouldn’t do, a few big things or a combination of both.

Another issue that many couples encounter is that one spouse will start to talk in a very critical way to the other spouse. This does not make sense to many people, since the marital partners are supposed to be on the same team! Breaking your team member down will not only harm them, but it will harm you and others around you. This critical behavior stems from breaking agreements that the two of you have together. For example, you have both decided that you want to save up for a house, but one spouse keeps spending a significant amount of money on frivolous things. This would be breaking the agreement between you. The partner whom has frivolously spent the money then tries to make the other person look like they have done something wrong and thus make themselves look not quite as bad.

Luckily these issues are extremely easy to fix! We have specific methods to use that will return the higher level of communication and the love to the couple. People can avoid divorce and actually have a great, lasting relationship with these tools.

Contact us today for more info on solving problems that recently married people may encounter.

One of the points that you will learn about is how aggressive you are.  You may be more aggressive than you think!  How do you take advantage of this to help not only yourself, but others, especially those who are powerless?  If you are meek, you can learn how to become more assertive, and stop getting taken advantage of.

Another point on the graph concerns stability.  Some people have very low stability, and don’t realize it.  These people would need to know how to become more stable, especially if they have families who depend on them.  On the other hand, someone may take the test and find that they are actually far more stable than they realized!

The graph will also show you parts of your life which waffle back and forth from high to low, and you can learn how to fix that too!

One of the main elements of the analysis is that we don’t just show you negative parts of your life and then have you leave without answers or solutions on how to turn things around.  Instead you will get solutions!  You may even leave knowing that you are doing much better in life than you knew.

Click here to take the Personality Test.  You will be contacted afterwards for your results.